I Memorized this story. Ben

When you're a kid you can eat amazing amounts of food. All I ate as a kid was candy candy, candy, candy and the only clear thought was to get candy get candy get candy get candy get candy. Family, friends, and school were just obstacles in the way to getting more candy. So when you're a kid your brain can't even process the idea of Halloween. People are giving out candy. Who's giving out candy? Everyone we know is giving out candy. I got to be part of this. take me with you. I'll do anything they want ... I can war that. I'll wear anything I have to wear. I'll do anything I have to do to get the candy from those fools who are so stupid in giving it away. The first couple of years I made my own costumes Ghost hobo the worst. I knew my destiny was to get a real superman Halloween costume from the store. you know the cardboard box the cellophane top mask included Oh baby. remember the rubber band on the back of those masks. that was a quality Item. Thinnest gray rubber in the world. It was good for about ten seconds before it snaps out of that cheap little staple they put in there with. You go to the first house "ding dong" Trick or Snap It broke I can't believe it. Wait up, I've got to fix it. You guys wait up. Kids don't want other kids to wait, they want kids to wait up, because when you're little your whole life is up. You want to grow up. Everything is up. Wait up. Hold up. Shut up. Mom, I'll clean up. Just let me say up. When you're a parent it's just the opposite. Everything is down. Just calm down. Slow down. Sit down. Come down here. Put that down. Keep it down in there. You're grounded. So the day came when I finally convinced my parents to buy me an official superman Halloween store costume. I was physically ready. I was mentally prepared. I absolutely believe that when I put this costume on that I will look exactly like the superman I have come to know on television and in the movies. Unfortunately, these costumes are not exactly super fit. You look more like you're wearing superman's pajamas. It's all loose and flowy. The neckline comes down to your stomach. You got that flimsy little ribbon string in the back holding it all together. Plus my mother makes me where my winter clothes over the costume anyway. I have read every comic book and I do not ever once remember him flying with a coat on. Not like the one I had on. Cheap corduroy, phony fur. So you go out anyway and the mask keeps breaking. the rubber band keeps getting shorter because you need to keep retying it. It's tighter and tighter on your face and now you can't even see. you're trying to breathe through that little hole that gets all sweaty Whoosh Whoosh. The mask keeps slicing into your eyeballs. I can't see, I can't breathe, but let's keep going, we've got to get the candy. About halfway into trick or treating you take the mask off. Oh to heck with it. "ding Dong" Yeah it's me, give me the candy I'm superman, look at the red pant legs. Year after year I never gave up on trick or treating, but I remember those last few Halloweens. I was getting a little old for it. I was kind of going through the motions. "Ding dong". Come on lady let's pick it up in there. Halloween, doorbells, candy, let's go. When they come to the door, they always ask that same stupid question, what are you supposed to be. I'm supposed to be done by now, can you hurry up with the three musketeers, I've got eighteen houses on this block sweetheart. You hit the bag, we hit the road. That's how it works. sometimes people give you that little plastic bags twisted on the top. You know that's going to be some crummy candy. No official Halloween marking on it, I don't think so. Wait a second, what is this, the orange marshmallow shaped like a big peanut. Do me a favor. You keep that one. We've got all the doorstops we need, thank you very much. We're going for named candy this year. At the end of Halloween I was able to fill a punch bowl so full of candy that the top of it would be curved. It was like a planet. And I would consume the entire thing that night. Next morning, I would wake up feeling fantastic, that's when I realized, when you're a kid, you don't need a costume. You are superman.